I picked up the mail from the box and checked through the crap …(that’s usually all it is) things addressed to Jana Jeppson or Janalea Jeppson. I guess they are mine … sometimes I feel like a stranger here …
Have you ever felt like you just don’t belong? I don’t mean for this to sound whiney at all but there are times when I feel like I just don’t belong here. Is that normal ??? Sometimes everything seems so unreal, like you’re in the way wherever you are. The other day, for example, I was feeling incredibly lonely … so I called someone to talk to …after 4 voicemails I was beginning to think that everyone I knew had been invited to a huge party and I had been conveniently left out. One more call, and someone answered, I started talking … it was pleasant conversation but we were interrupted by another call coming in on her call waiting …she never came back. I guess the other caller was more important, (that happens, I get it …it was just poor timing)
So I cried. Sometimes a good hard cry cleanses the soul (Or your sinuses after a couple of ‘blows’)! Everything that was frustrating in my life just floated to the surface … sleep studies gone bad …health issues…my sickly cat…my fat butt …my single life… concerns for things in life that need fixing but that I can’t fix. Anyone who knows me knows that I would actually pay the national debt if I could somehow raise the money and the fact that we have a national debt is somehow my responsibility …I know, I need therapy.
I can’t stop the hate that seems to be growing in the world during these perilous times … I don’t know why I think it’s my job, but it certainly has been a heavy weight on my heart.
I borrowed music and some lyric’s from Taylor Swift and wrote a love song about Ben … when I did it, it was just funny, but now when I hear the song …(Taylor’s version is playing on the radio but my version is playing in my head) I just cry because I miss someone I have never even met before! And what makes it even more pathetic is that Ben is a fictitious character! But I guess he represents someone real within my heart.
While in this over the top emotional state, I prayed … “I know I’m just a boob, Father, but I’m homesick for heaven. I wish I could feel Christ’s arms around me. I need a hug.”
I don’t suppose that my intense longing to be physically close to my Father in Heaven will ever completely leave while I’m here on earth.
I know I need to focus on His light …to feel its warmth and not let the “stuff” around me, and the noisiness of the world get in the way.
Getting homesick for heaven is ok, I suppose. After all, that’s where I came from.
Have you ever felt like you just don’t belong? I don’t mean for this to sound whiney at all but there are times when I feel like I just don’t belong here. Is that normal ??? Sometimes everything seems so unreal, like you’re in the way wherever you are. The other day, for example, I was feeling incredibly lonely … so I called someone to talk to …after 4 voicemails I was beginning to think that everyone I knew had been invited to a huge party and I had been conveniently left out. One more call, and someone answered, I started talking … it was pleasant conversation but we were interrupted by another call coming in on her call waiting …she never came back. I guess the other caller was more important, (that happens, I get it …it was just poor timing)
So I cried. Sometimes a good hard cry cleanses the soul (Or your sinuses after a couple of ‘blows’)! Everything that was frustrating in my life just floated to the surface … sleep studies gone bad …health issues…my sickly cat…my fat butt …my single life… concerns for things in life that need fixing but that I can’t fix. Anyone who knows me knows that I would actually pay the national debt if I could somehow raise the money and the fact that we have a national debt is somehow my responsibility …I know, I need therapy.
I can’t stop the hate that seems to be growing in the world during these perilous times … I don’t know why I think it’s my job, but it certainly has been a heavy weight on my heart.
I borrowed music and some lyric’s from Taylor Swift and wrote a love song about Ben … when I did it, it was just funny, but now when I hear the song …(Taylor’s version is playing on the radio but my version is playing in my head) I just cry because I miss someone I have never even met before! And what makes it even more pathetic is that Ben is a fictitious character! But I guess he represents someone real within my heart.
While in this over the top emotional state, I prayed … “I know I’m just a boob, Father, but I’m homesick for heaven. I wish I could feel Christ’s arms around me. I need a hug.”
I don’t suppose that my intense longing to be physically close to my Father in Heaven will ever completely leave while I’m here on earth.
I know I need to focus on His light …to feel its warmth and not let the “stuff” around me, and the noisiness of the world get in the way.
Getting homesick for heaven is ok, I suppose. After all, that’s where I came from.
2 comments:
I am sorry you are homesick!! I feel that way very often, in fact, just the other day I was thinking how disconnected I feel from my life most of the time. Like I am just an observer or don't belong in that moment. I hear ya, sister!! We all have our 'hards' but I keep reminding myself it is all short and Heavenly Father is always with us!! We love you! Next time you need a shoulder to cry on or you need to pee your pants with laughter, give me a call!!!
Hear hear! I couldn't have said it better myself. You are so amazing Jana! Hang in there....
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