It’s been a strange year …
And I’m still trying to work it out in my head.
There has been a lot of loss …
My 20 year old cat, Baby …
My brother, Bryan …
My Aunt June …
And my friend, Linda.
Obviously there is a party in heaven that I was not invited to …it’s OK though, I don’t want an invitation …yet!
A friend of mine said of my grief …”soon you’ll start feeling “normal” again.
Hummm
What is normal?
After each phase of life, after each season of change or trial or experience, getting back to “normal” is an interesting endeavor once we realize that normal will never be what is was, because we are not the same people we were before. I smile when I think of her saying the “normal” thing … my brother, Leon died 27 years ago. Normal after that has never been the same. There are days when his loss seems like a million years ago, and days when it feels like he just left yesterday … I imagine it won’t be any different with Bryan. My 20 year old niece, Ashley died in January 2007. I was not close to her (strange family dynamic) but I find myself thinking of her and longing for a more innocent time in my life … perhaps a time when I could have a do-over and fix things that I screwed up on in this life. God does not give us do-over’s though; He gave us something better … a Savior. Who came to pay the price of a debt He did not owe, for people who could not pay. The atonement is much better than a do-over!
Felix the fish from work …died and I cried like he was my best friend. And I realize with every ticking moment that life goes on … and normal will never be the same as it was even yesterday and each of us is grieving a loss in some sense. It is a fact of growing up and growing older that proves life is not what we thought it would be. Even the smallest of changes can leave us feeling a wee bit bewildered, and the big ones like illness or death and tragedy can make us feel splintered into a thousand pieces and wondering which way is up. And for each of us in these grief processes large and small, eventually we must come to terms with a new normal.
And embrace a new beautiful;
The beautiful in my life is still there …
~Having a testimony and a personal relationship with my Savior.
~Being part of an eternal family, and knowing we’re in this together …forever!
~And the new beautiful in my life …having my nephew Chris, after 23 years, back in the middle of our family, right where he belongs!
I praise God for the beautiful … and in a way, thank Him for the sorrow … that I can recognize the beautiful … Because I know if you take the pain out of sorrow … you take the love out of life. And what is life without love?
And I’m still trying to work it out in my head.
There has been a lot of loss …
My 20 year old cat, Baby …
My brother, Bryan …
My Aunt June …
And my friend, Linda.
Obviously there is a party in heaven that I was not invited to …it’s OK though, I don’t want an invitation …yet!
A friend of mine said of my grief …”soon you’ll start feeling “normal” again.
Hummm
What is normal?
After each phase of life, after each season of change or trial or experience, getting back to “normal” is an interesting endeavor once we realize that normal will never be what is was, because we are not the same people we were before. I smile when I think of her saying the “normal” thing … my brother, Leon died 27 years ago. Normal after that has never been the same. There are days when his loss seems like a million years ago, and days when it feels like he just left yesterday … I imagine it won’t be any different with Bryan. My 20 year old niece, Ashley died in January 2007. I was not close to her (strange family dynamic) but I find myself thinking of her and longing for a more innocent time in my life … perhaps a time when I could have a do-over and fix things that I screwed up on in this life. God does not give us do-over’s though; He gave us something better … a Savior. Who came to pay the price of a debt He did not owe, for people who could not pay. The atonement is much better than a do-over!
Felix the fish from work …died and I cried like he was my best friend. And I realize with every ticking moment that life goes on … and normal will never be the same as it was even yesterday and each of us is grieving a loss in some sense. It is a fact of growing up and growing older that proves life is not what we thought it would be. Even the smallest of changes can leave us feeling a wee bit bewildered, and the big ones like illness or death and tragedy can make us feel splintered into a thousand pieces and wondering which way is up. And for each of us in these grief processes large and small, eventually we must come to terms with a new normal.
And embrace a new beautiful;
The beautiful in my life is still there …
~Having a testimony and a personal relationship with my Savior.
~Being part of an eternal family, and knowing we’re in this together …forever!
~And the new beautiful in my life …having my nephew Chris, after 23 years, back in the middle of our family, right where he belongs!
I praise God for the beautiful … and in a way, thank Him for the sorrow … that I can recognize the beautiful … Because I know if you take the pain out of sorrow … you take the love out of life. And what is life without love?
5 comments:
Once again, you amaze me! Thanks so much....I know exactly what you mean. And I really needed that!
Sometimes it's hard to see the beautiful through all the crap! I'm always so grateful for your positive attitude and example.
i am glad to see you are back online. You have an amazing talent with writing. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with the rest of us.
Man that was good. So glad I checked in today and was greeted with that lovely message.
ok Jana...I miss your posts...your wisdom...please share with us again soon...
i hope the computer is not down again...
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