January 3, 2010 ... do we say two thousand ten or twenty ten??? does it matter???
Well anyway, Happy New Year!
I was driving to my sister's house on Christmas eve and feeling so sad ... I was missing my family ... the ones that live beyond the veil and my heart was aching for a time when innocence and Santa Claus were my only cares on Christmas Eve. When my brothers were there ... irritating me beyond words!! Because they did ...
I wished that I could turn back the clock just this once and wake up for Christmas morning in my grandparents house and race down the stairs of her house to open presents and bask in the joy of the day. And let my brother's irritate me one more time ...
Well anyway, Happy New Year!
I was driving to my sister's house on Christmas eve and feeling so sad ... I was missing my family ... the ones that live beyond the veil and my heart was aching for a time when innocence and Santa Claus were my only cares on Christmas Eve. When my brothers were there ... irritating me beyond words!! Because they did ...
I wished that I could turn back the clock just this once and wake up for Christmas morning in my grandparents house and race down the stairs of her house to open presents and bask in the joy of the day. And let my brother's irritate me one more time ...
But the reality of the moment was apparent as I putted down the Bangerter ... when I was that young ... the Bangerter was just miles and miles of empty fields!
I thought about 2009 and I started counting everything that went wrong in the year and very soon I was enveloped with a deep sadness ... I asked out loud ... " Heavenly Father, will the ache in my heart ever heal?"
Just as I said this, I was approaching 114th south and just above me was the Oquirrh Mountain Temple! I turned at the light and went and sat in front of the temple for just a moment. I was overcome with the warmth of the spirit. Almost like a hug ... I felt the spirit whisper, ..." give Me the ache ... just give it to Me and I will bare your burden. This is it ... right here before you ... this is what makes it matter" and I looked toward the temple and felt like I could almost reach out and touch eternity! My family is forever! and I knew in my heart that I would be OK! ...
Life happens and in that life ... crap happens! That's just the plain truth of it ... but we have a Savior who came to assure that I could have everything!His perfect love and a forever family! I am so grateful ... and I thought of the words to a poem that I wrote last year (Is it vain to quote your own words?) ...
"I’m heavy with sadness
That I can’t control
The heart ache and pain
That burdens my soul."
And I thought of His answer to my prayer back then,
Somehow in the stillness
His whisper does say ,
“My daughter, I’m here
And I hear as you pray,”
“I know you can’t see me
But, I hold you so tight
In the arms of My love
Just seek ye my light.”
And I felt Him. I felt His love as it circled round about me and I was comforted. I know that whatever happens in life. Whatever we must endure ... whatever comes our way, our Savior is there to comfort and guide and hold us. He knows us personally and he cares and 2009 was filled with wonderful things. More wonderful things than those that brought sadness. I am blessed with abundance! I have the gospel ... I have family .... I have friends ... I have indoor plumbing....diet coke and donuts! what more could I want ... the promise of eternity, and a family that is forever ... the sweetest gift I have ever been given.
"I’m heavy with sadness
That I can’t control
The heart ache and pain
That burdens my soul."
And I thought of His answer to my prayer back then,
Somehow in the stillness
His whisper does say ,
“My daughter, I’m here
And I hear as you pray,”
“I know you can’t see me
But, I hold you so tight
In the arms of My love
Just seek ye my light.”
And I felt Him. I felt His love as it circled round about me and I was comforted. I know that whatever happens in life. Whatever we must endure ... whatever comes our way, our Savior is there to comfort and guide and hold us. He knows us personally and he cares and 2009 was filled with wonderful things. More wonderful things than those that brought sadness. I am blessed with abundance! I have the gospel ... I have family .... I have friends ... I have indoor plumbing....diet coke and donuts! what more could I want ... the promise of eternity, and a family that is forever ... the sweetest gift I have ever been given.
4 comments:
Jana, I have heard so many people describe 2009 as the worst year in their life and I could have said the same thing but I decided to write a list of 25 things that I accomplished last year and I was amazed at how many happy things did occur. I to am grateful for my Savior who takes on that ache and will heal my heart. I am grateful for the chance this year to "celebrate". I chose a word for 2010 and "celebrate" it is. I have been amazed how I have found a way to celebrate even the most mundane tasks. Thank you for reminding us about "What matters most". And just remember "The best is yet to be". Karalee
Beautiful, Jana! I'm sorry you were so sad on Christmas Eve but I'm also glad you had such a moment with your Father in Heaven because of it.
As always, beautiful.
WOW! Thanks for this post.
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